I had a great idea. Actually, great is an understatement. This was an epiphany!
It was the one defining moment every housewife should have – how to turn your husband into a handyman!
Not only did my husband agree to be my handyman, he did it with a smile on his face. No groaning, complaining, or eye-rolling. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the thought of becoming my personal handyman.
I don’t know about you ladies, but getting odd jobs done around my house has been an ongoing battle for nearly fifteen years. All of a sudden, because of one brilliant idea, my husband is Mr. Fixit. I like my husband’s new new handyman mentality. He likes his new payment plan.
Wait a minute, you’re thinking. ‘Did you say payment plan?’ Yes, I did. I figured if I treated this as a business transaction, my husband would, too. So, I wrote a contract. We both signed it. Now, my husband is my official handyman, and I am under contract to pay for his services.
Not only will I tell you how I came up with the terms of our contract, I’ll help you write a contract of your own. This will include descriptions of odd jobs, payment for each job, and a time frame for the job to be completed. It also includes a disclaimer. But I’ll get into all that in a little bit. Right now, I’d like you to indulge me by letting me tell you how this brilliant idea came to be….
I was cleaning the icebox. Not just tossing out leftovers, but really cleaning it. All the contents had been removed. So had all the shelves, except for one. (I told you I was really cleaning it!) So, I grabbed hold of the last shelf and pulled it out. A metal bar slid out from underneath it and slid across the kitchen floor. A plastic do-hickey fell on my foot.
Holding that last shelf, I looked around my kitchen. ‘I don’t have time to fix this,’ I thought. The sink was full of dishes, the compost bucket was overflowing, and the kitchen table was full of condiments of every shape and size. Hmmm….. I don’t remember buying all those……
Anyway, I am not a handyman- uh- woman, by any means. I’m doing good to know the difference between a hammer and a nail. (The nail is the pointy one, right?) So I did what any stressed out, stay-at-home, repair challenged wife with PMS would do…. I texted my husband.
The conversation went something like this:
Wife (that’s me): I need help. I broke the icebox shelf. Can you fix it when you get home, please?
Husband: How can you break an icebox? Yes, I’ll fix it when I get home.
Wife (me, again): I was cleaning it. I guess the dirt was holding it together. By the way, I think there are pieces missing. Thanks. I love you, my sexy handyman.
I thought that would be the end of the conversation. But, then, I received another text. ‘Ah, here comes the excuse,’ I thought to myself. Opening and reading it, I realized how wrong I was!
Husband: The icebox isn’t the only thing I’ll fix when I get home, my horny little housewife. Your sexy handyman loves you, too.
Wife (still me): It’s a date!
Now, I won’t write the rest of the conversation for all of the world to see. Obviously, it just got better. We texted the rest of the day. That got me thinking ( which is kind of dangerous, sometimes) about how I could use this to get other things done. This could be mutually beneficial. I could get odd jobs done and he could get extra favors.